The Awsome Blog

For three years this guy was always by my side through thick and thin. If only people were so reliable.

My, it’s been a while. This is the Awsome Blog for Week 41, 2011. In this issue the new razor is revealed, a major personal goal is completed, and Mark quits again. But first, a moment of silence to mourn the passing of my trusty Blackberry Curve 8310. I really liked that phone, and it outlived many, many phones manufactured at the same time and even some since then. Considering the hard life it had, we were all blessed to have this phone with us for more than three years. What a hero. Even in death he flies in the face of all the fancy HTC’s, iPhones and touchimawhatsits that lived fast and died young (though as far as phones go, the iPhone was kind of a Jimmy Hendrix).

Mr. Parker here works very hard on my beard for a living only scraping by.

So I know it’s been a long time since my last post. The world of Aflac is a harsh one: a whole lot of hard work, not a whole lot of reward and not a whole lot of change from week to week. It makes a weekly post somewhat boring. Also: hard to make time for. Anyway, picking up where I left off last time, I finally got my hands on a double-edged safety razor. Observe: the photo on the left. This is a vintage style razor with a closed comb. That means that the metal buffer in front of the razor’s edge has no gaps in it. An open come razor looks kind of like a garden rake on each side, like this one by Merkur that I plan on getting sometime soon. I’m told the open comb razors are better for coarse beards, but in the meantime, the shave I get with my Parker is pretty nice. It takes quite a bit of practice to really get a good shave with a safety razor in general, though, so I’m still working on it. In the meantime, the razors are way cheaper at $7.49 for a pack of 10 at Walgreen’s.

In other news, I quit my job at Staples. Up to now I have been trying to balance a solid part-time income with a no-guarantees career at Aflac and it just hasn’t been working. Leaving Staples frees me up to focus all my efforts on starting my own business with Aflac. Now the first question everyone asks when they hear that I’ve left my steady job at Staples for a 100% commission job at Aflac is always “So you’re making enough money at Aflac now?” The answer to that is “We’ll see at the end of this month.” Working two jobs hasn’t been profitable at all (Staples doesn’t pay enough, but takes just enough time to prevent my Aflac work from paying enough), and as we begin the fourth quarter I need to start generating some major sales quickly or I’ll end up finishing the year with a net loss overall. It’s time to go big or go home; to rise to glory or go out in a blaze of glory; to kill or be killed; to command and conquer or total annihilation. (Yay, classic video game joke!)

Anyway, it is also important to note that unlike when I quit JC Penney’s (The Great Satan), I am still on good terms with everyone I worked with at Staples and will continue to patronize the company.

Again, let us commemorate the life of my good friend the Blackberry Curve 8310. He worked so hard for me, always supporting me until the day his screen went black. I tried every possible means of resuscitation, even the ones that brought him back before, but all I ever got was a blinking red light. I can only take solace in the fact that he lived a long and happy life, and now he has gone to live in the great lint-filled pocket in the sky. Rest in peace, little buddy.

As always, if you have any questions, additional information or feedback, feel free to reply by posting a comment. See you all next time.

Strawberry shortcake anyone?

So, we meet again. This is the Awsome Blog for Week 26, 2011. In this issue Mark puts his nose to the grindstone and his face to a brush.

As you all probably know by now, I am working two jobs. After having left the Great Satan (JC Penney’s) I am still left with work at my work at Staples, the office superstore, and my work as an agent of Aflac. Between these two functions I am probably putting in about 50 – 60 hours of work each week, not including time spent talking to friends about insurance. As a result, not much changes in my life from week to week. I did sell my first life insurance policy, which is cool, but now I have to follow it up with some serious business. I’ve got places to go.

One thing that did change is shown in this week’s photo. I have kind of always known that the skin on my face is quite sensetive to being shaved. I denied it for a while (I’m a man!) but all that got me was red patches on my face and lots of blood lost. Recently I’ve been looking into various solutions to this problem. At first I thought the redness would go away with the right aftershave, but that’s not really the case. I do, however, have a nice aftershave now. Really the problem is that in contrast to my delicate skin, my facial hair is very coarse, which means I need the right kind of shaving cream. I put a lot of research into this and discovered that a wet shave, as seen in the olden days, is the best way to go. Without changing my disposeable razor or aftershave, I started using Williams Mug Shaving Soap ($1.50 at Ralph’s) and a boar’s hair brush ($9.99 at Walgreens) to make a lather for shaving with. In just a couple of days of shaving right, my face is now the smoothest it’s been since middle school. And my shaving cream is super cheap. Booyah Gillette. Later, I plan on purchasing a quality straight razor as well. That will be a serious investment, to be sure, but it’s something I’ve put a lot of research into as well. Turns out that the multi-bladed razors we get from the store today are basically made for lazy people who can’t be bothered to shave properly. The best and closest shave a man (or I guess this applies to women, too) can get is with a good shaving lather and a straight razor. A close second would be with a single-bladed safety razor, which, although more expensive than a typical razor handle with disposeable blades, can use just flat razors which are far cheaper than replacement cartridges for your Shick Titanium or whatever.

I could go on for hours about this stuff, but I guess I should lay off. The point is the way men shaved for a hundred years prior to the invention of the multi-bladed razor is still probably the best solution for me.

As always, if you have any questions, additional information or feedback, feel free to reply by posting a comment. See you all next week.

That coupon on the outside of the box expired eleven years ago.

Two men enter! One man leaves! This is the Awsome Blog for Week 22, 2011. In this issue an archeological expedition unearths a great relic!

The Staples I work at has been under construction for a week or so now, removing old shelves and making space for new tables for the laptops and cell phones that we’ll be carrying. As one set of shelves was removed, we discovered this: Test Drive Off Road 2, CD ROM Classics edition, still new in shrink wrap. This would be much cooler if we had discovered a good game from the late 90′s, but the store staff still had a good laugh over it, and I made sure that I was the one to take it home.

Anyway, I’m pretty sure my DS Lite is capable of better graphics than this game can make, and according to it’s Wikipedia page, it was a lackluster game anyway, but I’ll still probably just break it out and start playing it eventually, since I doubt it’s actually worth anything. That said, if you want it, shoot me an email with an offer for it.

As always, if you have any questions, additional information or feedback, feel free to reply by posting a comment. See you all next week.

I truly believe that no one should be without some kind of supplemental insurance. If you agree, send me an email with your name and number. I'd like to show you some brochures.

Gooooo Ducks! This is the Awsome Blog for Week 21 of 2011. In this issue, a big change, another big change, ANOTHER big change and a short rant. But first, a big change. As you all have surely notice, I’ve been having  a hard time keeping up a monthly blog. The reason is that when it comes time to publish something, the end of the month is rarely on a weekend when I have time to compile something large enough to cover the last month’s worth of stuff. Besides, even when it is on the weekend, I’m usually so tired I don’t want to write something that long anyway. For this reason I’m doing a long post now, and hopefully much shorter posts every Saturday morning from now on. The posts will be named according tho the calendar weeks of the year, the first one being for Week 21, which just ended on Friday.

So why the ducks? well the answer is simple: I am now an agent of the American Family Life Assurance Company of Columbus, more commonly known as Aflac. Since I am still unclear what my rights are regarding use of company trademarks, I decided to get my own material for this post. This picture was one I took myself at a park near my home. Anyway, the earnings potential of this new position (which, by the way, is an outside sales associate) is considerably higher than any of the other jobs I’ve ever had, so this will likely turn into a career for me. You’ll know when I get an Audi A7 with my Aflac money that I intend to stick around.

The one downside to being an associate with Aflac, however, is that the position is paid on a 100% comission basis. This means that until I start making big sales, I still need to be making some money on the side. Imagine my surprise (not) when I discovered that JC Penney’s is a huge company, and therefore doesn’t give a crap about my needs as an employee. Seriously. I have never worked for a less caring company in my life. The management was awful, the work was boring and my schedule would change up to four times in a single day, usually ending with a “Hey, don’t come in tomorrow” call. This was the result of working for two managers who never talked to each other before scheduling or unscheduling me for the week. So, pending a discussion with the management of JC Penney, I will probably officially part ways with the company later this week.

In the meantime, I have begun working at Staples as an Easy Tech Certified Technician. Basically, people bring me their broken computers and I try to convince them that tech support is a service that you have to pay for. I mean, I fix their computers back to good as new. It’s not a bad job, pays better than JC Penney’s, is way closer to my home, and I get to talk to customers, which is a nice change of pace from the after hours furniture moving I did at JC Penney’s. Anyway, I’m much happier with Staples, and right after my associate discount at JC PaidMePennies is voided I will commence an eternal boycott of their store.

So that’s it for the big changes. The only thing left is a short rant. I know, you might think the comments about JC NotWorthAPenney’s should count, but that’s not what I was talking about. While living on a restricted budget, I’ve learned to judge my purchases very harshly. For instance, a gallon of milk is a better value by the ounce, but I’ll only drink a quart before the expiration date. That was a tough decision to make. Another instance, and here’s where the rant starts, is when I got Mitchum PowerGel deoderant upon a recommendation I recieved. I found this stuff to be more similar to soap-scented glue than any real deoderant I’ve used. It was uncomfortable, useless and, worst of all, more expensive than several other brands I’ve used with success. Mitchum PowerGel was so bad, I actually threw it away after only using a third of it. I might as well have taken two dollars out of my wallet and set them on fire. This product, and indeed it’s entire brand, is also given the rare label of eternal boycott. The third and so far final brand to completely fall from my graces is Nautica. It has been my experience that this company makes the worst socks known to man, including the cheap ones from Target that just fall apart after a few months of use. Never again will I give up any kind of payment for a product of that brand. I hope Nautica sails off the edge of the flat earth and falls forever into oblivion.

As always, if you have any questions, additional information or feedback, feel free to reply by posting a comment. See you all next week.

It's back to the future! I mean the past! Ah, it's all the same.

Good morning America! This is the Awsome Blog for March, 2011. This month, Mark celebrates the Chinese new year, gets a new job and gets some new wheels. But first, what’s that doing in front of my dry cleaners?

In order to pursue new employment I had to dry clean some of my shirts, most of which I purchased just recently. Anyway, on Thursday, February 24, I was in front of La Grande Cleaners on Chapman and saw this thing, with wing doors and all, a genuine DeLorean. Seriously. When do you actually see one of those on these the street? Now real automotive engineers see the DeLorean as an over-hyped, under engineered piece of junk, but Marty McFly disagrees, therefore so do I. Upon encountering this sight I could only wonder “Who has enough disposable income to own a DeLorean and still eats at the hole-in-the-wall next to my dry cleaners?” Well the answer is I don’t care who because as long as the owner is eating I can freely gawk at the car. You, too, are free to gawk in as much as you can scrutinize this photo I took of said car.

This semi-traditional style Vietnamese pop is quite entertaining when performed on stage and only seen once a year.

Raise your hand if you’re Asian! My hand is not raised. There are, however, many Asians of various national origins residing in California. The density of this population in my region is such that we have a good number of Buddhist temples in the area, each of which was celebrating the Chinese New Year (of the tiger, I think) on February 2. One of my housemates is closely tied to this community, so we were able to go to one of the smaller celebrations to observe the festivities and sample some of the food. I tried some lemongrass tofu and some sort of tapioca pudding-like substance with taro (I think). It was all quite tasty. There was live music by a group of… actually I don’t know what they were, or even exactly which language they were singing in. Vietnamese, I think. Look at this picture of the stage and see if you can figure it out. Anyway, it was pretty cool to see how they celebrate, even if I understood none of it. They had fireworks, which I do understand, and food, which I also understand. There was also a bunch of dancing dragons, which I really don’t understand, but found amusing anyway. Most of all, I saw plenty of opportunities to do hilarious things that would surely get me kicked off the temple grounds forever. Not that that would be a huge personal loss, but my housemate would be upset. Still. Two months later. Seriously. With great force of will I restrained myself.

That's me standing inside the steel frame of a Rapiscan full body scanner. All the metal parts of these machines are manufactured by AMF. I can guarantee that they shoot no radiation of any kind.

I finally have a new job! I’m working part time at JC Penney’s in Westminster, CA. I like all the people I work with and the work itself is not difficult. My only complaint is that they only gave me six hours last week. Seriously. I can’t live on just that. If possible I’d go back to working for my previous employer, Accurate Metal Fabricators, but they laid me off. Oh, well. You all shouldn’t worry about me, though. I have a nice tax return on the way and a promising future with another company already lined up. I’m also interviewing for another part-time job that may be soon competing with JC Penney for my hours. Unless, of course, I get a raise and some more hours with the job I currently have. Anyway, since AMF laid me off, I don’t mind showing off this picture I took of the stuff we were making. The department I worked in was under contract with Rapiscan Systems to make all the metal parts for their full body scanners and X-ray luggage scanners. Rapiscan, of course, was only able to contract with us because they themselves were under contract with the US government to make body and luggage scanners for airports all over the country. Don’t worry, I’m not handing out any state secrets. All the really cool stuff that goes into these machines is assembled at the Rapiscan facility in Tustin, CA, so I never saw anything that would require a security clearance.

Yes, I was on this when it happened. No, I wasn't really hurt.

So I got a new set of wheels. No, that’s not them in the picture. That is a picture of what it cost me to get a new set of wheels. Surely you are wondering what happened to my trusty old bicycle (actually not that trusty). And surely you are also wondering why I keep saying ‘new set of wheels’ rather than specifying what the wheels are attached to. Well the answers are I got hit by a truck and because it’s still just another bicycle, respectively. Sorry to get your hopes up. Wait what? Hit by a truck? Are you ok? How did that happen? Haha. Read your mind there, didn’t I? Yes, I got hit by a truck. Seriously. Turns out pretty much the most dangerous thing you can do with a bicycle is ride on the sidewalk against the traffic. A truck was pulling out of a parking lot and T-boned me right in the front wheel. Bent it up real good and catapulted me into the street. Had there been any oncoming traffic, I would have missed posting a blog this month, too.

The problem is that when someone is making a right turn (and through experiencing a slew of near misses I say women are by far worse at this) about half the time they never actually look right until they are already out in the road. They never check for pedestrians, and they NEVER check for bicycles. Like I said, this is true roughly half the time. When I see someone waiting to make a right turn in front of me, I will often slow down and go behind them because I can see that they are not even looking in my direction. Ironically, people usually only look right before turning right when there is oncoming traffic from the left, so they can’t turn, so they take a second to see the oncoming traffic on the other side of the road, which wouldn’t prevent them from making the turn anyway. Even then they sometimes still don’t see me. I’ve even had a near miss on foot with a woman turning right. She tried to tell me how sorry she was, but really I just wanted her to look right. Anyway, in this latest run-in I only got a cut on my elbow, and the company that owned the truck (Thank you, Lord) offered me a new bicycle immediately for the simple verbal agreement that I would not pursue the matter with their insurance company. This, I decided, was a $500 value, and the company gladly paid in cash. I was thus able to get a brand new GT Tachyon. It was on sale.

The moral of the story is this: When making a right turn, take a second to look at the sidewalk for pedestrians and another second to look for bicycles. Keep in mind that the actual retail price of my new bicycle is close to $800, wich you will surely pay all of if you hit me. Seriously.

And for those of you looking to make a big score, there are far safer ways to make a few bucks. Like I said, I have been mercifully spared quite a lot of injury in my time as a bicycle rider. Besides, it took getting hit four times by various other people before finally getting hit by the jackpot. Seriously.

As always, if you have any questions, additional information or feedback, feel free to reply by posting a comment. See you all next month. Seriously.